Poking, Prodding, and Color Blindness?!?!

So if any of you are ever interested in coming over to China to teach English, there are a few hoops you have to jump through and one of them is the physical exam. Now I got mixed reviews on this--some people attempted to freak me out about it while others told me it was nothing but a waste of 2 hours of your life. Either way, after almost two weeks (it hasn't even been two weeks yet?!?!), it was time for my physical exam.

When you arrive, you take a number (like everywhere in China). After a bit of paperwork (this country runs on paperwork, I swear) and some photos (7am? You can better I looked gorgeous for my close up!) it was a race through the hospital to see what foreigner would finish first (I won by the way)!!

First stop? Blood test. Now for those of you lucky enough to get to go to the lab and get your blood drawn, you kind of know how it goes: wait an hour for your name to be called, go to a private room with a terrifying looking chair (usually green), hand over your insurance card, have the lab assistant poke you with a needle, and after 38 seconds you are good to go. The Chinese laugh at that 38 seconds... You walk up to a window (kind of like when you go to the movies), choose which arm you want to sacrifice, stick it through the hole in the window, they poke you with a needle (some things never change), they hand you a cotton round to dab the blood, and they send you on your merry way. And while I consider myself a semi-pro at having blood drawn and donating blood, my arm still hurts like nobody's business and it looks like a nice blue bruise is making itself known.

The next one might have been the hardest one... Urine sample. I know, I know... "Ew! That's gross!" But if you think it's gross when you have the luxury of sitting on a Western toilet, imagine doing it with nothing supporting you and trying desperately to A). actually hit the tiny cup they gave you and B). not peeing on your shoes. Let's just say, when all this China business is over and done with, I will have the best thighs on the planet.

After that it is on to the sonogram! Everyone must get a sonogram. Why? To see whether or not you have a little bitty baby growing in your tummy! Yes, even the guys (one never wants to pull an Arnold Schwarzenegger). The good news? I am not pregnant! YAY!! We don't have to call the Vatican and let them know we have another immaculate conception on our hands!!

After I proved that I was not a mama to be, I found myself feeling strangely like Victor Frankenstein's Creature. They put (what I think looked like) car jumper cables on my ankles, wrists, and the evil sticky circles that they put on E.T. I had been warned about this part and while nothing happens, you still can't help but wonder if whatever they are doing to you (I'm assuming something with electricity but I honestly don't know) is doing anything that might not be the best down the road. Whatever it was, I have a weird purple circle left on my chest... Can anyone tell me if that is supposed to be there?

Next was called "Surgery and Medication." Not really sure what this was about. They pushed on my stomach, looked at my wrists and fingers and sent me on my way... I'm still confused about that one... 

Next was the funniest one to me. I had talked to my friend, DH, about this the night before. Color blindness test. Why it matters whether or not you are color blind, I don't know. But one thing I do know--I am NOT color blind. Too bad I couldn't convince the Chinese to believe that... You sit in front of the specialist and they hold up a book with pages of colorful dots and it is your job to try and figure out what picture is hidden within the dots (kind of like those Magic Eye drawings). Let's just say, I failed with flying colors. Though I still stand by the fact that I saw a triangle and not a star.

From there I went to the "Pre-exam" office (way to not do things in order, Amanda!!) where I got to learn how tall I was in centimeters and how much I weighed (after this summer, I did not need to know that!! ) and blood pressure... pretty self explanatory.

Last was the chest X-ray. I was told by Adam that they usually tell people that they have "bad lungs"... our theory is that they say that just in case the pollution surrounding you (and it's a lot) gets to you.

Yeah... Breathe it in... Pollution.
(And this is on a beautiful day!)

And that was pretty much my day in a nutshell. The sad thing is that it took twice as long to get to the hospital than it did to actually go through the medical exam (yay for Hangzhou morning traffic). It wasn't as bad as I expected it to be but I'm certainly not lining up to do it again any time soon. But if you are ever going to go to China for an extended period of time, you'll most likely have to go through something similar to this and just as long as you're not pregnant, you'll be golden!!

Tomorrow is the first day of classes so I'm sure if not tomorrow than sometime later this week, I'll update you on how my first lessons went... To say I'm a bit nervous would be a bit of an understatement.

Until Next Time,
Amanda

PS- I love where I live so much, I don't want to leave you with an image of the sun hidden behind the thick layer of pollution, so here's a photo of today's blue sky (it's been a couple days since we've seen it)!!

It's so beautiful!!!