I Think You Should Know... Part 1

Whenever I talk to people back home in the States, they ask me, "How is China?" To that, I almost always want to say, "Oh, I don't know... How was the last year of your life?" For people back home, it is difficult to try and describe the insanity that is the People's Republic of China. What makes up every day actions like eating, crossing the street, grocery shopping, and teaching? The more I tried to look at the similarities and differences, the more differences I saw between American culture and Chinese culture... and those differences just became funnier and funnier. I can't think of two cultures so drastically different; there are these bizarre cultural differences that you might never realize actually exist until you either visit or live in China. Some of the differences took me by surprise while others still just confuse me to this day.

So to help give those of you still back in America a chance to get a glimpse at what actually makes up the crazy and unpredictable country of China, I made a list of the Top 20 Useless Things You Should Know About China... Hopefully it makes you laugh as much as it makes me laugh!

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1. Don't you dare hand someone a glass of ice water... even if it is 80 degrees outside.

This was the last day of class--June 9th. I was sweating like a pig at a luau and they were all sitting in sweaters and drinking their hot water.

2. Of course it is safe to eat hot food out of plastic bags!

Trying to not think of the cancer I am eating!

3. Face masks are not just a stereotype; whether you are sick, the pollution is bad, or you're protecting your face from the sun, the face mask is this year's must have accessory!

I really don't think that these help too much (unless you have a legit mask) but my students insisted on getting me a mask, making sure I used it, and (most importantly) making sure that it was cute.

4. Everyone spits. From the sweet little three year old princess to the ancient looking 90 year old gramma, everyone is hocking loogies so you better get used to it.

This was on the Broken Bridge between China and North Korea--a major tourist attraction and protected historical monument... too bad no one followed the rules!

5. Things like stop lights, street signs, and lines on the road are just merely suggestions... so tread lightly.

This is seriously what walking down the main street in Hangzhou is like. Believe it or not there are lanes for cars, bikes, and a sidewalk but people still go wherever their little heart desires to go.

Oh the sea of humanity...

6. "Ni hao? Mmhmm hao mmhhm hao mhhhm hao de hao de hao de... Bye bye!" is a legit phone conversation.

And the sheer size of the phones over here is just laughable. They are bigger than remote controls. Supposedly, the bigger your phone screen is, the more manly you are...

And you can be darn sure that they are literally screaming into their phone so the whole room, store, restaurant, bus, train, plane, or street knows what they are having for dinner...

Please... for the love of God...

7. A "line" is a Western invention that has not made it over to China, so put your head down, push your way through, and hope for the best.

Beware of the last bus of the night and train stations--EVERYONE will push past you (especially old ladies). Don't feel bad if you push someone out of your way... in China it is push or be pushed.

Attempting to get tickets for the Great Wall... This was taken about 7 seconds before I began to weave my way through the crowd to the ticket window.

Mama Woomer's first China train station experience heading up to Shanghai!

 8. The world's ugliest shoes reside in this country.

The ones that channel Frankenstein's Monster seem to be the most popular...

  
9. They sell live turtles and frogs at Wal-Mart (among many other nasty, bizarre things).

Adam playing with the baby shrimp just sitting out in the summer heat.

Frogs and turtles and eels and fish all still alive and waiting to be cooked up for a yummy dinner!

 
10. The Chinese love KFC... almost as much as they love knock-off KFC.

There's the Colonel but then there's Old Man China Sanders, Gramma Sanders, Mrs. Sanders, and even Obama Sanders (and those are only the ones I've seen personally)

A Gramma Sanders opened up in Cangqian and the foreigners have begun to frequent it (the food is actually better than at KFC. You think KFC is nasty in the States, it's even worse over here)

11. The Chinese don't believe in backpacks--they carry everything in baskets... including babies.

BABIES IN BASKETS. One of my favorite things about China.

12. Everything has at least some level of filth on it whether it is the walls, buses, cars, streets, or your feet (this is because they think that just wiping something down with water [that isn't clean enough to drink] makes it clean... so NEVER use a chopstick that falls on the table!).

The dirt and pollution and filth is the reason why almost every apartment you visit has its own collection of slippers so you best be sure to take those nasty outdoor shoes off before setting foot in my house!

This is my friend's apartment where we spent hours cleaning it just days before... look at how long that lasts over here!

13. Women dress like little girls complete with ribbons, frills, tights, and unnecessary amounts of high heels... no matter how old they really are. 

14. If it has wheels, it can go on the road... Unless it's an actual motorcycle.

Yes, even babies ride on the scooters... totally safe!

This dude is totally using some tai chi action to keep that bottle balanced ON HIS HEAD while his bike is MOVING. CHINA.

 And everything is usually packed beyond the safety limit...

Over packed cars, trucks, e-bikes, and bicycles is another one of my favorite things over here.

15. People smoke anywhere and everywhere--even in hospitals.

I seriously think that more than half the population will be dying of lung cancer in 50 years... either from the pollution or the smoking... or both.

They start them young over here... He picked this up off the ground >_<

16. The Chinese have the uncanny ability to fall asleep the minute they sit down in a moving car, bus, or train. 

Poor Other Adam...

I've learned to fit in too, I'm afraid...

17. You can never be sure what the weather is like by looking out your window--you'll see umbrellas if it's raining and you'll see umbrellas if it's sunny.

Not sure if it's a fear of skin cancer or just plain old vanity but these girls are obsessed with keeping the sun off of them... They will stop at the bottom of the escalators or just outside a door and literally stop traffic just so they can open up their umbrella and shield themselves...

I did it once--ONCE! And that was only because I was starting to get a sunburn on my neck...

18.  Men love to grow their fingernails super long, especially the pinky (because it fits nicely into the ear, don't'cha know!).

Apparently it is a sign of your social status--if you can grow your nails long, that means that you are wealthy and not a laborer. Personally, I think it's just nasty...

 19. Street signs are a gift from above... Seriously golden.

20. And so are menus in English.

So that is my official list of the Top 20 useless things that everyone should know about China (those who have been to China know what I'm talking about and are probably sitting there with a mixture of wanting to laugh, cry, and cringe going through their minds right now). But I've got so many more photos to share with you (compliments of myself, Hannah Ricke, Adam Limpert, Rachel Jewell, Becky Burch, Adam Erickson, and That Expat Ginger, Cole) you can find them HERE in PART TWO of "I Think You Should Know"... Enjoy!!


Click here!! ---> Part Two