Have you seen the trailer to the new movie Pan? Well if you know me and you know how excited I am about it, you can probably put together that this is a Peter Pan movie ::happy dance:: Now, this blog post is not about my pathetic and sometimes disturbing obsession with Peter Pan (seriously, I planned on marrying him when I was a little girl) even into my twenties, but rather the theme song from that movie. It's called "I Believe" by Christina Perri and maybe it was popular in America, maybe not (even if I was in the country, I wouldn't know) but ever since I heard the line, "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning" as the Jolly Roger flies through the clouds towards Never Neverland, I loved the song and it has become my theme for the coming year... My mantra even.
Did you ever want to go to Neverland? As a young girl, I sat by my window every night from my 12th birthday to my 13th birthday trying to find that second star to the right and searching the heavens for the shadow of a young boy flying down to earth--flying down to my window--to take me away from my boring life where I felt sad, lonely, and troubled. Of course, the troubles of a 12 year old are different from those of a 24 year old or a 33 year old or a 50 year old--but troubles are troubles and sometimes you still want to go away, disappear... fly away.
Maybe you've been sick this year. Or your heart was broken. Maybe you lost your job or you lost a loved one. Maybe your relationship fell apart or maybe you are just drowning in doubts and fears and you feel like you can't make it through the storm. But it is the dark moments that reveal the light to us, the phoenix rises up right after it bursts painfully into flames, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly, the sun sets in a fiery burst only to return just as bright. So even if you are at a crossroads or you are hurting, if you think that you are knocked down as low as you can possibly go, consider this blog post the hand reaching out to you, pulling you back up to your feet, and cheering you on!
It could be very easy for me to throw 2014 away, toss it into the locked box that hides 2009. 2014 was a rough year. Anytime cancer pops up in anyone's life, it is rough. My baby brother--the only brother I ever had and the only one I ever want--is under attack from an enemy that cheats and plays dirty. I have watched him fight and struggle. I have watched him cry, lose his hair, grow thinner (which is saying something). I have had to sit back while he is cut open, bleeding, in pain, and attached to wires and machines. I am his big sister. I've always looked out for him, stood up for him, and protected him... and I have been made helpless, forced to sit back, unable to fight for him. From August 6, 2014 until this very moment, a football sized tumor dubbed Henry has tried to take over the year of 2014, trying to poison it and taint it but I have not allowed it to do that, Jed has not allowed it, NO ONE has allowed it.
So, yes--2014 SUCKED because of the attack on my brother.... I will not belittle the battle he is still fighting even as I type these words, but I will not let this be what I remember 2014 for... So many other amazing things happened this year. I've made a Top 10 Best Moments of 2014 to remember this year by.
And so, without further adieu...
#10. Working at HNU
This might be surprising. Not many people claim to love their job. It's true there are a lot of things that I HATE about working in China but my students make it all worthwhile. They think I am a rock star and I like to treat them as my friends rather than a rabble I have to babysit for two hours a week. I've been their therapist, their tutor, their ambassador, and their friend. They come to me with questions about English and relationships. I teach them about Halloween and table manners. They give me dried squid (at least I think it was squid) and I give them Reese's. I help them carve jack-o-lanterns and they fold origami for me. I was able to teach them for a year and a half and when I left them a few weeks ago, I got movies, gifts, letters, postcards, a Tshirt, and movies of the kids. I hope and pray that I can return in the spring but if not, the last year and a half has been a blessing.
#9. Kids With Sass
These kids are crazy and made my life in China a happy one. From games of Cards Against Humanity and Settlers to nights sitting in the street, eating BBQ and drinking cheap Chinese beer, we bonded over our crazy lives in China, my dirty jokes, and deep conversations where we poured our hearts out to each other. We went on adventures with each other all over the world... laughing along the way.
#8. Mom's visit to China
Not only did I get to go to China but I got to show it and explore it with my mother too! I've been to the Great Wall... but I got to go back with my mom and how many people can say that?! From smelling stinky tofu, walking around West Lake, climbing through the tea fields, eating dog, drinking nasty Chinese liquor, and seeing Shanghai and Beijing... It was empowering to know that I could do this all myself and it was a once in a lifetime trip for a mother and a daughter.
#7. Summer Adventures in America
Originally, I didn't plan on coming back to America for the summer holiday but after realizing that literally EVERYONE I knew was leaving, I decided to head back too, and I got to spend time with Adam and his family and the lucky dog got to spend time with my family as well. Minnesota and Wisconsin (and Chicago)--two states I never thought I would go visit--and New York where Adam got to try legit chicken wings... It wasn't the ideal summer visit and it certainly didn't go according to plan, but we still managed to have a great time!
#6. National Holiday in Xi'an
One of the best things about living in China is the amount of holiday time that we get--a week in October and then five weeks in February. This National Holiday, Adam and I decided to head out west to Xi'an, home of the Silk Road, Hua Shan, and the Terracotta Warriors. We reveled in the delicious food, rich history, magnitude of the warriors, and thrived up on Mount Hua. I have found my love, my friend, my partner in crime, and an ideal travel companion. BOOM.
#5. Getting professionally published
It has been a dream of mine since I started writing hardcore in 2001 to get published one day... to have something that I wrote read by someone other than my mother. Of course, my dream is to be the author of at least a halfway decent book series but in November, I got my first shot at a real publication--an article I wrote about Huang Shan (Yellow Mountain) was published in a magazine called "That's China." It came at a time when I was seriously doubting my abilities--that, along with Adam's belief in me was my life raft. Exciting news! FIVE more articles will be published in the January issue!!
#4. Red for Jed
How can I even begin to talk about this? In a moment of great sadness and tragedy you find out just how much good there is in the world? When you fall, you realize people are there to pick you up? When you are busy fighting a battle, you find that there is a legion of friends watching your back for you? Yup, that about sums it up... Whether it is leaving dinners for us, wearing red, donating money, or attending benefits--trust me--your kindness has not gone by unnoticed (even in China!!). Thank you... one and all.
#3. Spring Festival
This might be a little selfish, putting this so far down the list, but I seriously felt so alive on this trip. From riding on an e-bike through the cooky hills of Yangshuo to climbing the freakin' Himalayas and looking out onto Mount Everest, I went to places and saw sites that I only ever dreamed of. I won't get to travel around Asia this Spring Festival, and because of that, I am so thankful for how much life I sucked out of last year's Spring Festival--Yangshuo, Hong Kong, Nepal, and Malaysia. Not too shabby...
#2. Jed's Graduation
There are a few moments in your life that are those "road marker" type of moments and I think graduating high school is one of them (even if it is lower on the list). My family and I had concocted a plan and I was able to come back to America without Jed knowing. The day of his graduation, I hid backstage before walking across the stage to present him with a scholarship. Watching him run across the stage and pick me up in the best hug ever with tears in his eyes is a moment I will never, ever forget.
#1. A Little Christmas Surprise
I like surprising my brother, I suppose. A few weeks before Christmas, I decided that I didn't want to be away from my family for the holidays after the year we had been experiencing. So, a week before Christmas, I sadly bade farewell to Adam and hopped on a plane back to New York where I surprised Jed, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins. I like surprises!!
And I have one more moment I would like to include... because I like to go above and beyond what is expected:
The best moment of the year:
As if there was any doubt. I have fallen in love and I feel as though my life has gone to another level that I never expected it to go! The self proclaimed crazy cat lady has found herself an amazing young man to share the rest of her life with and take care of all her cats for her! Getting to know him and learning to fall in love was quite the adventure... Onto the next adventure on August 8th!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
So, every year, I like to give little honorable mentions to different things. So without further ado...
Favorite Book: Daughter of Smoke and Bone and Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation (both of which I am reading right now)
Favorite Movie: (ironically) The Fault in our Stars
Favorite TV Show: Outlander
NaNoWriMo: Robyn (76,150 words)
Things completed from the Life List:
1. Go to the fish doctor (#201): My first day in Yangshuo and again in Xi'an, the little fish nibble the dead skin off your feet... So much fun!!
2. Cruise down the Li River (#233): A crazy day of hiking, we were forced to take the bamboo boat because the path ended at the river!
3. See the largest seated Buddha (#52): A beautiful, tranquil place in Hong Kong where tourists, monks, and pilgrims come together at the feet of the Buddha.
4. Make my own Buffalo chicken wings and eat them (#139): As a girl from Buffalo, this needs no explanation.
5. Make pottery (#160): I've always wanted to be crafty and a small workshop in Hangzhou made my dream come true!
6. Leave a letter at the Lake Harriet Elf House (#223): And I got a letter back in return!
7. Hike the Cliffside Plank Park (#129): Almost died and it was AWESOME!!
Places Visited:
-China
-Yangshuo
-Shenzhen
-Beijing
-Shanghai
-ZhangJiaJie
-HuangShan
-Xi'an
-HuaShan
-Hong Kong
-Nepal
-Kathmandu
-Lukla
-Namche Bazaar
-Malaysia
-Kuala Lumpur
-Langkawi
-Minnesota
-Wisconsin
-Chicago
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
This New Year's Eve will be very different--I will not be in Shanghai with my fiance and I will not get that beloved midnight kiss under the mistletoe... But I get to be with my family. This has been a year of "equivalent exchange." Do you know the anime Fullmetal Alchemist? Well, I'm a nerd and that is one of my favorite shows. In the opening of almost every single episode, it says, "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return--to obtain, something of equal value must be lost..." (I totally did that from memory and--don't lie--you read it in Al's voice). But I'm finding this to be bizarrely true this year: I had an amazing adventure over Spring Festival but my phone got stolen. Adam got to meet my family but we spent most of our time in the hospital. I got engaged to Adam but we missed our trip to Xinjiang. I got to spend Christmas with my brother but not with Adam. I'm starting to see where Ed and Al were coming from--equivalent exchange sucks!
So you can see--even in the face of great sadness and hardship, there were many good things that happened to me in 2014. I will not choose to label 2014 as the "worst year of my life" because so many wonderful things happened as well. Bad things did happen (as bad things tend to happen in life) but I choose to not dwell on them, bitch and moan about them, and ask, "Why me?" I will not let the sadness win. I choose happiness... and I hope you do too.
The beginning of a new year is always scary. You don't know the
potential of the year. Will it be good to you or will you be happy to
see it leave at the stroke of midnight? Will you lose family members?
Will you fall in love? Will you be healthy? Will you be happy? Will you
be sad? Maybe a new job or a new home? No one--not even the wisest
people in your life--can possibly know what tomorrow brings, much less
the next 365 days.
I hope 2014 was kind to you... and if it was not, do not dwell on the
past ("Hakuna Matata!" as some might say). Learn from your mistakes and
painful experiences. Grow. Forgive. Love. Be happy. Be healthy. Try new
things. Smile to strangers. Laugh often and love even more. Make 2015
the best year of your life... because nobody has that power except YOU.
"I believe that tomorrow is stronger than yesterday"... I hope you give life a chance to dazzle you.
Happy New Year!
Until Next Time,
Amanda
