This is not the end of me...

...This is the beginning.

Have you seen the trailer to the new movie Pan? Well if you know me and you know how excited I am about it, you can probably put together that this is a Peter Pan movie ::happy dance:: Now, this blog post is not about my pathetic and sometimes disturbing obsession with Peter Pan (seriously, I planned on marrying him when I was a little girl) even into my twenties, but rather the theme song from that movie. It's called "I Believe" by Christina Perri and maybe it was popular in America, maybe not (even if I was in the country, I wouldn't know) but ever since I heard the line, "This is not the end of me, this is the beginning" as the Jolly Roger flies through the clouds towards Never Neverland, I loved the song and it has become my theme for the coming year... My mantra even.

Did you ever want to go to Neverland? As a young girl, I sat by my window every night from my 12th birthday to my 13th birthday trying to find that second star to the right and searching the heavens for the shadow of a young boy flying down to earth--flying down to my window--to take me away from my boring life where I felt sad, lonely, and troubled. Of course, the troubles of a 12 year old are different from those of a 24 year old or a 33 year old or a 50 year old--but troubles are troubles and sometimes you still want to go away, disappear... fly away.

Maybe you've been sick this year. Or your heart was broken. Maybe you lost your job or you lost a loved one. Maybe your relationship fell apart or maybe you are just drowning in doubts and fears and you feel like you can't make it through the storm. But it is the dark moments that reveal the light to us, the phoenix rises up right after it bursts painfully into flames, the caterpillar turns into a butterfly, the sun sets in a fiery burst only to return just as bright. So even if you are at a crossroads or you are hurting, if you think that you are knocked down as low as you can possibly go, consider this blog post the hand reaching out to you, pulling you back up to your feet, and cheering you on!

It could be very easy for me to throw 2014 away, toss it into the locked box that hides 2009. 2014 was a rough year. Anytime cancer pops up in anyone's life, it is rough. My baby brother--the only brother I ever had and the only one I ever want--is under attack from an enemy that cheats and plays dirty. I have watched him fight and struggle. I have watched him cry, lose his hair, grow thinner (which is saying something). I have had to sit back while he is cut open, bleeding, in pain, and attached to wires and machines. I am his big sister. I've always looked out for him, stood up for him, and protected him... and I have been made helpless, forced to sit back, unable to fight for him. From August 6, 2014 until this very moment, a football sized tumor dubbed Henry has tried to take over the year of 2014, trying to poison it and taint it but I have not allowed it to do that, Jed has not allowed it, NO ONE has allowed it.

So, yes--2014 SUCKED because of the attack on my brother.... I will not belittle the battle he is still fighting even as I type these words, but I will not let this be what I remember 2014 for... So many other amazing things happened this year. I've made a Top 10 Best Moments of 2014 to remember this year by.

And so, without further adieu... 

#10. Working at HNU
This might be surprising. Not many people claim to love their job. It's true there are a lot of things that I HATE about working in China but my students make it all worthwhile. They think I am a rock star and I like to treat them as my friends rather than a rabble I have to babysit for two hours a week. I've been their therapist, their tutor, their ambassador, and their friend. They come to me with questions about English and relationships. I teach them about Halloween and table manners. They give me dried squid (at least I think it was squid) and I give them Reese's. I help them carve jack-o-lanterns and they fold origami for me. I was able to teach them for a year and a half and when I left them a few weeks ago, I got movies, gifts, letters, postcards, a Tshirt, and movies of the kids. I hope and pray that I can return in the spring but if not, the last year and a half has been a blessing.

#9. Kids With Sass
These kids are crazy and made my life in China a happy one. From games of Cards Against Humanity and Settlers to nights sitting in the street, eating BBQ and drinking cheap Chinese beer, we bonded over our crazy lives in China, my dirty jokes, and deep conversations where we poured our hearts out to each other. We went on adventures with each other all over the world... laughing along the way.

#8. Mom's visit to China
Not only did I get to go to China but I got to show it and explore it with my mother too! I've been to the Great Wall... but I got to go back with my mom and how many people can say that?! From smelling stinky tofu, walking around West Lake, climbing through the tea fields, eating dog, drinking nasty Chinese liquor, and seeing Shanghai and Beijing... It was empowering to know that I could do this all myself and it was a once in a lifetime trip for a mother and a daughter.

#7. Summer Adventures in America
Originally, I didn't plan on coming back to America for the summer holiday but after realizing that literally EVERYONE I knew was leaving, I decided to head back too, and I got to spend time with Adam and his family and the lucky dog got to spend time with my family as well. Minnesota and Wisconsin (and Chicago)--two states I never thought I would go visit--and New York where Adam got to try legit chicken wings... It wasn't the ideal summer visit and it certainly didn't go according to plan, but we still managed to have a great time!

#6. National Holiday in Xi'an
One of the best things about living in China is the amount of holiday time that we get--a week in October and then five weeks in February. This National Holiday, Adam and I decided to head out west to Xi'an, home of the Silk Road, Hua Shan, and the Terracotta Warriors. We reveled in the delicious food, rich history, magnitude of the warriors, and thrived up on Mount Hua. I have found my love, my friend, my partner in crime, and an ideal travel companion. BOOM.

#5. Getting professionally published
It has been a dream of mine since I started writing hardcore in 2001 to get published one day... to have something that I wrote read by someone other than my mother. Of course, my dream is to be the author of at least a halfway decent book series but in November, I got my first shot at a real publication--an article I wrote about Huang Shan (Yellow Mountain) was published in a magazine called "That's China." It came at a time when I was seriously doubting my abilities--that, along with Adam's belief in me was my life raft. Exciting news! FIVE more articles will be published in the January issue!!

#4. Red for Jed
How can I even begin to talk about this? In a moment of great sadness and tragedy you find out just how much good there is in the world? When you fall, you realize people are there to pick you up? When you are busy fighting a battle, you find that there is a legion of friends watching your back for you? Yup, that about sums it up... Whether it is leaving dinners for us, wearing red, donating money, or attending benefits--trust me--your kindness has not gone by unnoticed (even in China!!). Thank you... one and all.

#3. Spring Festival
This might be a little selfish, putting this so far down the list, but I seriously felt so alive on this trip. From riding on an e-bike through the cooky hills of Yangshuo to climbing the freakin' Himalayas and looking out onto Mount Everest, I went to places and saw sites that I only ever dreamed of. I won't get to travel around Asia this Spring Festival, and because of that, I am so thankful for how much life I sucked out of last year's Spring Festival--Yangshuo, Hong Kong, Nepal, and Malaysia. Not too shabby...

#2. Jed's Graduation
There are a few moments in your life that are those "road marker" type of moments and I think graduating high school is one of them (even if it is lower on the list). My family and I had concocted a plan and I was able to come back to America without Jed knowing. The day of his graduation, I hid backstage before walking across the stage to present him with a scholarship. Watching him run across the stage and pick me up in the best hug ever with tears in his eyes is a moment I will never, ever forget.

#1. A Little Christmas Surprise
I like surprising my brother, I suppose. A few weeks before Christmas, I decided that I didn't want to be away from my family for the holidays after the year we had been experiencing. So, a week before Christmas, I sadly bade farewell to Adam and hopped on a plane back to New York where I surprised Jed, my aunt and uncle, and my cousins. I like surprises!!

And I have one more moment I would like to include... because I like to go above and beyond what is expected:

The best moment of the year:

As if there was any doubt. I have fallen in love and I feel as though my life has gone to another level that I never expected it to go! The self proclaimed crazy cat lady has found herself an amazing young man to share the rest of her life with and take care of all her cats for her! Getting to know him and learning to fall in love was quite the adventure... Onto the next adventure on August 8th!

 *~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

So, every year, I like to give little honorable mentions to different things. So without further ado...

  

Favorite Book: Daughter of Smoke and Bone and Undeniable: Evolution and the Science of Creation (both of which I am reading right now)

Favorite Movie: (ironically) The Fault in our Stars

Favorite TV Show: Outlander

NaNoWriMo: Robyn (76,150 words)

Things completed from the Life List:

1. Go to the fish doctor (#201): My first day in Yangshuo and again in Xi'an, the little fish nibble the dead skin off your feet... So much fun!!

2. Cruise down the Li River (#233): A crazy day of hiking, we were forced to take the bamboo boat because the path ended at the river!

3. See the largest seated Buddha (#52): A beautiful, tranquil place in Hong Kong where tourists, monks, and pilgrims come together at the feet of the Buddha.

4. Make my own Buffalo chicken wings and eat them (#139): As a girl from Buffalo, this needs no explanation.

5. Make pottery (#160): I've always wanted to be crafty and a small workshop in Hangzhou made my dream come true!

6. Leave a letter at the Lake Harriet Elf House (#223): And I got a letter back in return!

7. Hike the Cliffside Plank Park (#129): Almost died and it was AWESOME!!

Places Visited:

-China

     -Yangshuo

     -Shenzhen

     -Beijing

     -Shanghai

     -ZhangJiaJie

     -HuangShan

     -Xi'an

     -HuaShan

-Hong Kong

-Nepal

     -Kathmandu

     -Lukla

     -Namche Bazaar

-Malaysia

     -Kuala Lumpur

     -Langkawi

-Minnesota

-Wisconsin

-Chicago

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

This New Year's Eve will be very different--I will not be in Shanghai with my fiance and I will not get that beloved midnight kiss under the mistletoe... But I get to be with my family.  This has been a year of "equivalent exchange." Do you know the anime Fullmetal Alchemist? Well, I'm a nerd and that is one of my favorite shows. In the opening of almost every single episode, it says, "Humankind cannot gain anything without first giving something in return--to obtain, something of equal value must be lost..." (I totally did that from memory and--don't lie--you read it in Al's voice). But I'm finding this to be bizarrely true this year: I had an amazing adventure over Spring Festival but my phone got stolen. Adam got to meet my family but we spent most of our time in the hospital. I got engaged to Adam but we missed our trip to Xinjiang. I got to spend Christmas with my brother but not with Adam. I'm starting to see where Ed and Al were coming from--equivalent exchange sucks!

So you can see--even in the face of great sadness and hardship, there were many good things that happened to me in 2014. I will not choose to label 2014 as the "worst year of my life" because so many wonderful things happened as well. Bad things did happen (as bad things tend to happen in life) but I choose to not dwell on them, bitch and moan about them, and ask, "Why me?" I will not let the sadness win. I choose happiness... and I hope you do too. 

The beginning of a new year is always scary. You don't know the potential of the year. Will it be good to you or will you be happy to see it leave at the stroke of midnight? Will you lose family members? Will you fall in love? Will you be healthy? Will you be happy? Will you be sad? Maybe a new job or a new home? No one--not even the wisest people in your life--can possibly know what tomorrow brings, much less the next 365 days. 

I hope 2014 was kind to you... and if it was not, do not dwell on the past ("Hakuna Matata!" as some might say).  Learn from your mistakes and painful experiences. Grow. Forgive. Love. Be happy. Be healthy. Try new things. Smile to strangers. Laugh often and love even more. Make 2015 the best year of your life... because nobody has that power except YOU.

 

"I believe that tomorrow is stronger than yesterday"... I hope you give life a chance to dazzle you.

 

Happy New Year!

Until Next Time,

Amanda

Give Thanks

The holiday season is now officially in full swing. Christmas shoppers are going wild (hopefully you're not a 6pm Thanksgiving Day shopper!!), trees are being tied to the roofs of cars, snow is falling (some places, a bit too much!), and we can finally listen to Christmas tunes without shame! I know I say that Halloween is my favorite holiday (and that still stands) but as I've gotten older I have become sentimental and I have come to appreciate the holiday season for what it is truly meant to be--being thankful and actually appreciating the life that you have been living. Maybe you have money problems hovering over you or you are single and all of your friends are falling in love and getting married or maybe you hate your job or you are just sad and you don't know exactly why. But it is this time of year that you realize that that doesn't matter--having a roof over your head, food on your plate, your health, friends and family to surround you with love... THIS is what life is about, not just Christmastime. In my old age (hey! I'm almost a quarter of a century old!) I have come to realize this just in time for me to be thousands of miles away from home and my family to be under siege from the evil Henry. As we get older, we no longer ask for the coolest new gaming system or the most stylish clothes. We don't care about what we get for gifts... being able to spend time with your family is the true gift this life gives us and our time on this earth is too short to not take advantage of it.

I am finding myself to be thankful for so few things this year. I hope you don't read that wrong! I am thankful--SO thankful for what I have in life--but I am realizing that the things I used to be thankful for just aren't really that important anymore. Getting everything on my Christmas list--at 12 years old, that was certainly something to celebrate! Being able to study abroad or get into that coveted class was what I wished for at 18 years old. Physical things--my books, snow globes, stuffed animals, photos, anime and cosplay, trinkets from my travels--was what I used to enjoy being with (just ask my parents... I don't think they saw me more than a few times when I was 13 [I was too busy reading or acting out The Phantom of the Opera... I know, I feel so much shame]). But now the few things I am thankful for are the people in my life--my parents and brother, my aunt and uncle and cousins, and Adam. It's not so much the quantity of what I am thankful for now, but the quality. I think it was in 2009 that I finally began to stop taking life and my time in it for granted.

2009 will go down in the history books as probably the WORST year of the Woomer's lives. Lots of annoying little things happened (stupid appendix) but we lost my Poppy (grandfather on my mother's side) in May, my Papa (grandfather on my father's side) on November 29th (that's tomorrow), and my Memoo (my grandmother on my mother's side) on December 7th (if you do the math that is basically a week in between those two). All of a sudden, life was very fragile and my family (the Woomers and Gullos) rallied together and clung to one another, realizing that we were the most important aspect of each other's lives and we needed to remember that each and every day.

Seriously, 2009 SUCKED for everyone we knew!!

I like to think that my focus in life went from ME, ME, ME to my family. Your family is filled with the people that God specifically chose to put into your life for a reason, they were chosen specifically for YOU... Why would you not want to take advantage of and appreciate this gift that He gave you as often as you can?

2014 has been quite an interesting year as well, attempting to bump 2009 out of the top spot. But you know what? I don't think it will.

It is true: August 6, 2014 will probably always and forever be the worst day of my life (bumping May 22nd out of first place)--the day we all learned that Jed has cancer. BUT I don't think 2014 beats out 2009. I climbed the Himalayas (and then got my phone stolen), I got to visit Adam's family in Minnesota and he got introduced to the insanity that is the WooGulls, I made it through a year of living in China, I got engaged, and got to surprise Jed at graduation (catch up on that epic tale right here)! Yes, we found out that Jed has cancer BUT we also found out just how many people love him and how many lives he has touched in the 18 years he's been around. We found out that family, friends, and strangers were willing to drop everything and raise money, make dinners for us, and even shave their heads! We learned how amazing our little community of Tonawanda is and we were reminded of that incredible quote from It's a Wonderful Life:

So even though this horrible thing happened (and YES it is horrible--I don't want to downplay the crap my brother and every other cancer patient has to go through... the chemo, the pokes and mediport, the nausea, the hospital visits, and just the pure fear of knowing that there is something growing inside you), it has sparked an incredible and awe inspiring chain of events that may venture to overthrow the fear that this cancer has attempted to impose on Jed and the rest of our lives. The Red for Jed movement. Shave Your Head for Jed. Swim-a-thons. The Ken-Ton high school's swing dance night. The TNT pep assembly chant. Go Red for Jed Day. Turkey Trots. And gifts, fundraisers, dinners, and love and support from friends both old and new from nearby and far away. It just shows that the power of love and friendship and the courage of one 18 year old boy can overcome even the most terrifying of circumstances... If that doesn't inspire you and make you thankful for even the very air in your lungs, I don't know what will!!

 Red for Jed!

Get Well Soon cards!

MY elementary school's Turkey Trot raised $5,000 for Jed

 An amazing family friend getting Jed a SIGNED Jim Kelly jersey, a brave, little participant in Shave Your Head for Jed.

Hockey Fights Cancer night at the Sabres game.

I didn't mean to make this into a Jed blog post but he is the one that is in my thoughts and always on my mind while I am putting up my tree or eating my turkey; my students know all about him and ask about him whenever they see me. It is incredible (I know I keep using that word, but it's true!) to see that not only people around the country, but around the entire WORLD are thinking of him, cheering him on, and praying for him.

Family is precious and I learned this year just how precious mine is.

Surprisingly, I have done pretty well coping with homesickness until about five minutes ago when the Kristin Chenoweth song "Home on Christmas Day" started playing and I literally burst into tears, crying, and I had to stop writing (seriously, if you are at all melancholy, have lost a loved one, someone you love is far away in military service, for school, or just living life, or if you are the one that is far away from home do not listen to this song... unless you're a little masochistic, then you can find it right here). My fellow expats in China, Bahrain, and all around the world will understand--one moment you are fine, living an exciting life in another country not even stopping to think about the last time you slept in your parent's house when suddenly, you stop--you hear something, see something, or think of something that sparks a memory and you are suddenly overwhelmed with a sense of nostalgia and homesickness. This bizarre and sudden wave of emotion is the price we pay for living this adventurous life of ours. Those of you who are able to be with your loved ones during the holiday are the lucky ones--being able to say that I've been to the Great Wall twice or I can hop on a train and be in Shanghai in an hour is impressive but sometimes I want nothing more than to sit at my kitchen table and play Apples to Apples with the rest of my family.

Luckily for me, I have been blessed to have Adam by my side and he has been my rock during my time away from my family and especially during the holidays (funny how this time can bring so much happiness and joy and yet so much melancholy sadness...). If it wasn't for him, I probably would not have come back to China to finish what I started.

Anyway.... Our festivities began a day early with an expat Thanksgiving at our friend, James's house. A potluck of the most epic proportions, this might have been the most Thanksgivingy Thanksgiving I have ever had! Usually with the WooGulls, we have more of an Italian Thanksgiving than an American Thanksgiving with a lasagna pan that weighs about the same as a small child so I was surprised to find that in China, we actually managed to find a turkey where the meat is almost always chicken (and slightly questionable chicken I might add). A friend, Nate, journeyed on a train for several hours to Wenling where they found a turkey breeder and brought Harry to Hangzhou (yes, they named him just to make it that much more awkward when we were eating him).

Meet Harry

I made my mama's amazing chicken wing dip (as best as I could with no bleu cheese dressing) and Adam made stuffing (because what is Thanksgiving without stuffing?!) and we headed downtown to our veritable feast!

The chicken wing dip was gone in about 20 minutes (which is actually pretty long since my cousin, Phil, was not there) and I will take that as a success! We ended up having tons of food--mashed potatoes, corn on the cob, corn bread, green bean casserole, sweet potato casserole, burritos (because), cranberry sauce, stuffing, apple pie, pumpkin pie, apple and pear pie, cookies, Oreo pie, and (of course) Harry covered in gravy. For Western foods to be near impossible to find in Hangzhou, I would say that this Thanksgiving dinner was QUITE a success!!

Top that all off with the Peanut's Thanksgiving special (complete with sarcastic commentary) and I would have to say that this was a pretty darn good Thanksgiving away from home.

Thanksgiving Day started off a bit bumpy--Adam had to teach... Boo.... After that necessary evil was out of the way, we attempted to make french toast because we found syrup, glorious syrup! With food in our bellies, we decided to do something constructive and put up the Christmas tree!

Now before we start off, no judging please. I know (technically) we put up the tree on Thanksgiving Day and that is a big no-no BUT in the Woomer household, we always go out and get our tree the Friday after Thanksgiving and then that Saturday, we decorate. Adam and I celebrated Thanksgiving on Wednesday and since we already had our tree (oh how I miss my real trees!!) we decorated the next day. At least that was my logic behind it and Adam stood beside me! MWUAHAHAHAH!!!!

Shamelessly blasting my John Denver and the Muppets Christmas album, we dug out the tree, lights, garland, star, and ornaments and put together the WoomPert Christmas tree!

 Last year, I found generic but pretty ornaments--red, gold, and purple. I got a Hogwarts ornament from Phil and Chanel, a couple cute ones from my mom, and Adam bought me a beautiful tin owl one. This year, we searched for an ugly ornament that just screams CHINA that our children will have to fight over someday and for 12元 ($2), we got a grab bag filled with some of the ugliest ornaments I have ever seen.

Seriously, I have no idea. The one on the left is a bear with antlers in a bag. CHINA.

We finally decided on a nicer one. It's cute and cartoony and just looks very Chinese... We'll probably keep the bear/reindeer hybrid just because it makes us laugh...

A very Cangqian Christmas!

Our tree was almost not big enough to hold all of our ornaments. As Adam said as we sat back to admire our handiwork, "We already need a bigger tree!" It isn't much and it's nowhere near as much as my mother decorates our house (it seriously looks like Mrs. Claus lives in our house and I LOVE IT) but it is something and it helps bring some Christmas cheer to a country that basically has no idea what Christmas is all about. 

After the tree was up, it was time to start cooking our own Thanksgiving meal. I was a bit nervous. I know and everyone else knows that I am no chef. I can make cereal and maybe toast. If I'm lucky maybe chicken wing dip and cookies. So this was the first time we really attempted something other than ramen, fried rice, or chicken wings in our kitchen. And I have to say, we did pretty darn good!

Adam fried up some of the left over corn on the cob, we made cheddar bay biscuits (so gooooood), brownies, heated up the chicken wing dip, and we made delicious mesquite encrusted boneless chicken breast. It was amazing the building didn't burn down and so yummy. It was my first time cooking a meal and I would say it was a success!! Of course, our Thanksgiving would be incomplete without watching It's a Wonderful Life... All we needed was some eggnog... Mmm.... eggnog, how I miss you so.

Not too shabby for my first Thanksgiving!!

Thanksgiving is one of those holidays that really isn't too important when you first think about it. My students and fellow teachers always ask me about Thanksgiving games, songs, and activities and I always tell them, it's really not that big of a holiday--Halloween and Christmas and even Easter and the 4th of July seem so much more important and exciting--but I always find that it is the one holiday that always takes me and my emotions by surprise. It's a reflective holiday that makes you look at yourself, your life, your year, and what you are thinking and feeling. Was it a good year? Are you where you want to be? Are you happy? What do you want to be doing a year from now? A year ago, I never would have thought I would be where I am now--engaged and planning a wedding, looking to moving to another country, and living with the fact that my precious little brother has cancer... Who could ever see that coming?

I may be a bit pensive and melancholy but I am doing really well being away from my family at this time of year (all things considered). Like John Green says, "It hurts because it matters." I wouldn't feel like this if my family wasn't so important to me. "We hurt because we love... but loving someone is so worth it. How sad would life be if we had no one to hurt for?" Wise words from none other than my mama. So if you are homesick or feeling nostalgic, if you are blue or sad, remember it is because of one of the most beautiful things in this world--it is because you love someone and you are loved deeply in return. Never forget that.

What I am most thankful for  ♥

From all the way on the other side of the planet, I want to wish you a very happy start to the holiday season. Stay warm, stay safe, be happy, and keep those that you love close to you.

感恩快乐！！

Happy Thanksgiving!!

I love you all.

Until Next Time,

Amanda