It's been talked about a lot and weighing heavily on my mind for months now but I suppose since I just bought my plane ticket yesterday, the time has come to actually start thinking about moving to China.
I wasn't always planning on going to China (my first choice was actually South Korea) but after having the opportunity to visit not only the city but the university that I will be moving to, it seemed like serendipity... too perfect to pass up.
Even though it feels to me that everything has happened for a reason (not getting the job in South Korea, staying an extra semester for my undergrad and taking Chinese), the moment I bought that plane ticket, I felt terrified! Yes, I've visited China, and yes, I have friends who have gone through exactly what I am going through now and they are an endless source of help and advice, but I am still panicking a little bit on the inside.
Why? Two reasons:
1). Teaching. I really don't know if I am made to be a college teacher. I've been what you might call a "visiting speaker" with my talks on the Viking Runes and Takarazuka. I love speaking in front of a crowd but I don't have any real training in education. I've never made a lesson plan and I've never created an exam. I fear that if I fail at this, I won't just fail myself but I'll be failing my students too.
2). China. Just China, period. Navigating the transportation. An inability to communicate. The food. The apartment (no kitchen--EEK!). A completely new currency. Grocery shopping. Getting my hair cut. Finding clothes in my size. And the ever so painful process of starting over and trying to make friends once more.
I am excited to finally prove myself. All my life, I've lived at home or in the shelter of my dorm building. I've always had someone offering me a (semi) balanced diet, I've been basically financially supported by my parents if I was ever in a bind, and if I ever felt frustrated or scared, I would have that safe place to fall... but with this adventure in China, I will have to depend on myself. I've traveled alone before but I've never lived on my own before... I've never started such a high stakes new job... and I've never moved to another country. These are three things that are huge milestones in anyone's life--individually--and I am doing them all at the same time!
Luckily, I have been fortunate enough to have a bit of a taste tester in what to expect so I have a leg up on my predecessors so that does make me feel a little better.
Of course, already having been to China also gives me a better idea of what to look forward to (I always like looking on the bright side of things):
-Seeing the friends I've made while I was in China last year as well as friends that I made in college who live in China now.
-REAL Chinese food (let's just say I'm slightly obsessed)
-A chance to become proficient in my chop stick skills
-Bubble tea EVERYWHERE
-Hefang Street and REAL Dragon's Beard Candy
-A chance to learn more Chinese
-Living in another country (something on my Life List)
-(hopefully) A Chance to travel all around Asia
Yes, it is stressful thinking that I may not be home for the next two years (still haven't decided if I'm going for just one year or the full two) and I won't be seeing my friends and family as often as I would like (though the invitation for you to visit is always open) but to give up the chance to not only live in a completely different country but also help shape the skills of young students is a chance that I would be crazy to pass up. And you know what? I'm not going to... despite the anxiety I feel right now.
再见 (zai jian: "goodbye" in Chinese)
Until Next Time,
Amanda
No comments:
Post a Comment